ADDRESSING THE ISSUES: JEANS THERAPY

I am going to make a closet confession: I own 39 pairs of jeans. Literally. I just counted. I organized them by color, too. I possess a rainbow of hues, beginning with the obligatory blue jeans, then black jeans, grey jeans, white jeans, tan jeans, green jeans, turquoise jeans, plum jeans, pink jeans, yellow jeans, and even RED jeans. I'm sure there are a ton of women and girls out there who have far more than my jean count, but the issue is not that I have a jeans obsession, rather that I'm not a fan of wearing jeans, but I keep buying them, perhaps in search of the Holy Grail of denim. When I was a little girl, my mom bought me a pair of jeans. "They itch me," I remember saying. They STILL do, unless it's the aforementioned green jeans, and they are so stinkin' soft, I can't get rid of them.

I have a few problems with jeans. 1.) They slip off my tush. It's not like my booty is flat, and the jeans have nothing to fit. No matter the brand, Paige, AG, 7 for All Mankind, Frame, Genetic, or so on, and so on, sooner or later I get into this "they creep and I tug of war." It's annoying. So this season I decided to only buy slacks, or pants, or trousers. (With the exception of a pair of velvet, blue "jeans" by Paige, that still slide off my rear-end, and a pair of dusty rose-ish color by DL 1961, that are are currently in the running for best fit!) All of those synonyms for pants sound terribly old-fashioned and buttoned-up, but they bring me to my second issue with jeans: 2.) I feel sloppy wearing them. Which addresses why I say I will never buy a pair of trendy jeans with holes. (My daughter, Winslow, said, "Never say never, Mom." I can't say I haven't tried them on. They just look ridiculous on me.)

Issue No. 3: They itch. I touched on this earlier, but it emphasizes the problem. I don't like anything tight on my legs (This includes leggings or yoga pants, which is why I wear a tennis skirt to work out, even in freezing weather, and even though I don't play tennis. It's allowed, tennis people! I can wear the skirt even though I don't play the sport!) (Breathe.)

Issue No. 4: I prefer to wear a dress! The dress doesn't have to be fancy. I will even wear it with a pair of sneakers, low-cut booties, or high-heels, but I feel SO much more pulled together in a dress, especially when traveling. I have had several security agents THANK ME for dressing nicely, and not schlepping through the line looking as if I just rolled out of bed in my PJ's, carrying my pillow.

Issue No. 5: Jeans are stupid expensive. Especially the ones with the holes.

Have I ever had a pair of jeans that I absolutely loved. Yes. A pair of Levi's, button-fly, Shrink to Fit 501, red-line jeans I purchased at Litwins in Chanute, Kansas, circa 1974 for $11. Remember those? The kind you were supposed to buy a couple sizes larger and sit in the bath tub to fit your shape? I owned those jeans for nearly 3 decades. They actually shrunk and fit me, and looked amazing on my butt. Furthermore, they still fit me, after 27 years of my purchase. Until about 16 years ago, when they met a horrific demise. I'm really not allowed to reveal how my beloved Levi's met their terrible fate, but let's say that no one was met with bodily harm, although I did fall sobbing into my father's chest after I discovered them. (Did I also mention I was a grown, married woman, mother of 5 when I found my cherished jeans?) My heart still sinks. They were the best jeans. EVER. They were the holiest of dungarees.

(And breathe . . .) Meanwhile, the therapy on which I rely for my denim blues is easy-wear dresses, like this faux-wrap, awesome one by Theory from Neiman Marcus. A long weekend in Palm Springs, California doesn't hurt, either.

The purse is by Angela Roi for Reformation. The sage colored booties by Franco Sarto from Nordstrom are super comfy, but have sold out in this green color, but do have other colors still available. Celine Sunglasses are from GooGooEyes Dallas.